Running on Empty

I'm totally empty...there isn't much left...not quite sure how much longer I can go...

For the past year it's been lots of output from my creative/emotional gas tank but nothing going back in. Last week I found myself having these very strange mood swings, to the point where I was scaring myself. It seems like all I do is give, give, give, of my artistry and I have no way of getting anything back. I teach for 6 hours a day, then I spend 2 evenings at church giving some more to the bell choirs, and on the weekends I teach at workshops or at church or go out with friends.

Nowhere in my life is there anything that is allowing me to create beauty myself. I just don't have the time. I am aching to be in a musical or sing in a choir. I almost cried last weekend when I was sitting in a reading session, surrounded by other wonderful voices who were making music with me and not for me.

This has to change.

Honestly the only way that it can change is if I give up my church job, or find a way to only go 1 night a week instead of 2. I love having the $$, but is it really worth it when everything else in my life is suffering?

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE teaching and everyday I am excited to be in my classroom with my kids (well, almost everyday). But there is a huge difference between that and creating something myself with other trained musicians.

I'll be okay. But if you see anything that I can audition for, please let me know.